While we try to teach our children all about life,
our children teach us what life is all about.
Angela Schwindt
December 23, 2011
December 21, 2011
All Better Now
Well, we survived our first sickness. It started with a cold Justin brought home from the station, which Mateo caught and developed into bronchiolitis. He was on an antibiotic and steroid for a week and then a nebulizer machine with albuterol to help him breathe easier (he loved that, let me tell you </sarcasm>). Thankfully, I never got sick, but watching Mateo wheeze and choke back mucus and then vomit up buckets of the stuff was heartbreaking. I wish I had gotten sick and all these awesome immunities in my breast milk I keep hearing about had protected him. I know as his mom I can't protect him from everything, and I realize that breast milk is not some amazing cure-all...but I wish I could have kept him well a little longer. There are some other breastfed babies in town who have also been sick recently, so it's not just us, but I also know that at least one of those babies recently had their first round of vaccines....as did Mateo. This is a controversial subject, I realize, and I did read Dr. Sears' The Vaccine Book so I feel like I am partly informed, but I can't help but feel that his immune system being compromised from the vaccines contributed to his getting sick. We forewent the polio and Hep B vaccines because the risk of catching polio in this country is almost nil and Hep B can wait til he's much older. I would have liked to have spaced out the other vaccines but unfortunately our insurance won't cover visits for vaccines that aren't done at well visits. Now I'm just wondering if even the vaccines we did do were necessary...
I go back and forth over this in my head...if he caught something I could have vaccinated him for, I would be devastated. But watching him get sick and knowing what is being injected into his body "in case" he gets sick is not easy, either (especially when he's essentially strapped to my body 24/7, and not in daycare or around lots of other babies). I've also read too many accounts of children who have seriously become sick, if not died, from the effects of vaccines (I know most of those cases are largely scientifically unproven but I think it's hard to really argue with commonsense...or cause and effect). Not to mention the moral ramifications of what you could potentially spread, or the ethics of putting one's health on the line for "the greater good." In trying to look further into this issue I've started reading Adventures in Babywearing, an awesome blog by a natural mama who is also a Christian (I wish the two went hand-in-hand more often!). I'm also trying to get my hands on a copy of The Greater Good without actually buying it...although I might resort to that. Another moral dilemma!
When I was pregnant I was caught up in being pregnant, eating right, learning all about birth, breastfeeding and preparing for baby. I thought I was prepared - turns out I was prepared to take care of a newborn, and that's it. I never made the mental leap forward to preparing for everything else - toddlerhood, potty training, schooling, etc. Even more immediate concerns like how and where we would sleep, vaccination, and babywearing were all sort of "last minute" questions we've answered "on the job." But I guess that's how it's done, being a parent - taking it one day at a time, one challenge at a time. No one might choose to have kids, otherwise - too overwhelming.
When I think of how unprepared I am for so many things regarding Mateo I feel a bit guilty...but then I look at his sweet face, see how he smiles whenever he catches sight of me, feel him nuzzle and root in the night, and I know I have nothing to feel guilty for (yet!). We're doing the best we can, and we're being thoughtful about those choices we have to make as they come on the horizon. Most importantly, we're trying to remember to dwell in love...it does cover a multitude of sins, after all, right? And really, it's not a hard thing to remember with a 12 week old.
Oh yeah, we're all better over here. Just in time to head home to VA for the holidays!
I go back and forth over this in my head...if he caught something I could have vaccinated him for, I would be devastated. But watching him get sick and knowing what is being injected into his body "in case" he gets sick is not easy, either (especially when he's essentially strapped to my body 24/7, and not in daycare or around lots of other babies). I've also read too many accounts of children who have seriously become sick, if not died, from the effects of vaccines (I know most of those cases are largely scientifically unproven but I think it's hard to really argue with commonsense...or cause and effect). Not to mention the moral ramifications of what you could potentially spread, or the ethics of putting one's health on the line for "the greater good." In trying to look further into this issue I've started reading Adventures in Babywearing, an awesome blog by a natural mama who is also a Christian (I wish the two went hand-in-hand more often!). I'm also trying to get my hands on a copy of The Greater Good without actually buying it...although I might resort to that. Another moral dilemma!
When I was pregnant I was caught up in being pregnant, eating right, learning all about birth, breastfeeding and preparing for baby. I thought I was prepared - turns out I was prepared to take care of a newborn, and that's it. I never made the mental leap forward to preparing for everything else - toddlerhood, potty training, schooling, etc. Even more immediate concerns like how and where we would sleep, vaccination, and babywearing were all sort of "last minute" questions we've answered "on the job." But I guess that's how it's done, being a parent - taking it one day at a time, one challenge at a time. No one might choose to have kids, otherwise - too overwhelming.
When I think of how unprepared I am for so many things regarding Mateo I feel a bit guilty...but then I look at his sweet face, see how he smiles whenever he catches sight of me, feel him nuzzle and root in the night, and I know I have nothing to feel guilty for (yet!). We're doing the best we can, and we're being thoughtful about those choices we have to make as they come on the horizon. Most importantly, we're trying to remember to dwell in love...it does cover a multitude of sins, after all, right? And really, it's not a hard thing to remember with a 12 week old.
Oh yeah, we're all better over here. Just in time to head home to VA for the holidays!
November 23, 2011
Life As We Know It
Another week has passed....we've been busy meal planning, attending La Leche League meetings, trying to keep things in order, researching cloth diapers (will the research ever end?), preparing for Christmas and generally taking care of business. I've always done a bit of casual meal planning (like, in my head), but I've really tried to commit to sitting down and planning out the week's meals. Last week was the first time I followed through on this and was SO glad I did. I felt like I wasn't wondering every day at 4 pm what we were going to have for dinner and by planning ahead our meals were much more balanced and nutritious. Planning in general seems to be much more important now that I have a little human attached to me 24/7.
This essay was posted on our LLL Facebook group and I'm pretty much in love with it - it speaks to my feelings and philosophy on nursing and cosleeping. I know I'm new to all this so I don't pretend to speak with any real authority or much experience, we're just taking it one day at a time over here - but these practices and ideas speak to the natural mother in me so clearly. I think it was in our Bradley Birthing Method class that I was told to follow my instincts and not get caught up in people's advice or what our culture dictates is normal and expected of babies and parents, and ever since I've been reminding myself of that: listen to your instincts. I know cosleeping doesn't work for everyone but I honestly don't know how I'd get any decent sleep without it. We're also smart about it - on a futon mattress (i.e. very firm), Mateo between me and wall, not Justin and I. And from day one I felt something switch in me - some animal instinct that knows where Mateo is, how he's sleeping, how I'm sleeping in relation to him. It's amazing, like my body was designed to protect him for this period of our lives. And I know that not everyone is able to stop and nurse every hour, but it's what makes us happy and I'm very fortunate that I'm able to be home with him- it's definitely worth any financial sacrifice. Sure, it drags out our outings sometimes, having to stop and nurse him in a store or before we go in somewhere - but that's life with an infant in general, isn't it? When you eliminate the worry or concern over following some sort of "schedule," be it a nursing schedule or growth chart (although I AM a believer in nighttime being for sleeping - midnight play parties are not my thing) and stop thinking about what people are going to think about you nursing on a bench in the shoe department at Walmart....and instead just allow your baby to grow and do what comes natural to you, it's AMAZING how much stress you can eliminate from your life.
A LLL leader at a recent meeting said that nothing in her life, not her career, not college, gave her as much self-confidence and courage as having children and standing firm in the decisions she made on their behalf. I immediately knew what she was talking about, for that is how I feel about Mateo. When I was pregnant I worked hard to make sure I was eating well, especially as a pescetarian, preparing for the birth mentally and emotionally, learning as much as I could through our childbirth class and natural childbirth books. With his birth I was unafraid (uh, for the majority, there was that hell called TRANSITION when I think even the bravest among us are afraid - except for perhaps my mother, who merely said she knew she was in transition with my sister when she was mad that dad was doing dishes and not supporting her - THAT was your transition, Mom?), even though I was in labor for three days, because I knew he was doing well, and I was ok, and I had learned enough to know that sometimes nature doesn't follow the schedule we'd like it to. I think in a lot of ways his birth prepared me for these years that follow. Working so hard to bring him into the world in the most natural, peaceful way possible, in the comfort and privacy of our home, has given me confidence in my ability to work hard to raise him in the most natural, peaceful and intentional way possible - even if that means listening more to my instincts and doing my own research rather than following well-meaning advice or mainstream magazine articles (I'm looking at you, American Baby). I know I'm new at all this, so hopefully this doesn't come off as preachy. I'm just saying that this is what works for US - every baby and family is different. I simply want to look back and read this and remember that at 2 months in we were happy and confident.
In other news, Mateo has begun squealing whenever he's happy/excited/worked up. I'm sure at some point this will be irritating but right now it's adorable.
A look back at the past week:
This essay was posted on our LLL Facebook group and I'm pretty much in love with it - it speaks to my feelings and philosophy on nursing and cosleeping. I know I'm new to all this so I don't pretend to speak with any real authority or much experience, we're just taking it one day at a time over here - but these practices and ideas speak to the natural mother in me so clearly. I think it was in our Bradley Birthing Method class that I was told to follow my instincts and not get caught up in people's advice or what our culture dictates is normal and expected of babies and parents, and ever since I've been reminding myself of that: listen to your instincts. I know cosleeping doesn't work for everyone but I honestly don't know how I'd get any decent sleep without it. We're also smart about it - on a futon mattress (i.e. very firm), Mateo between me and wall, not Justin and I. And from day one I felt something switch in me - some animal instinct that knows where Mateo is, how he's sleeping, how I'm sleeping in relation to him. It's amazing, like my body was designed to protect him for this period of our lives. And I know that not everyone is able to stop and nurse every hour, but it's what makes us happy and I'm very fortunate that I'm able to be home with him- it's definitely worth any financial sacrifice. Sure, it drags out our outings sometimes, having to stop and nurse him in a store or before we go in somewhere - but that's life with an infant in general, isn't it? When you eliminate the worry or concern over following some sort of "schedule," be it a nursing schedule or growth chart (although I AM a believer in nighttime being for sleeping - midnight play parties are not my thing) and stop thinking about what people are going to think about you nursing on a bench in the shoe department at Walmart....and instead just allow your baby to grow and do what comes natural to you, it's AMAZING how much stress you can eliminate from your life.
A LLL leader at a recent meeting said that nothing in her life, not her career, not college, gave her as much self-confidence and courage as having children and standing firm in the decisions she made on their behalf. I immediately knew what she was talking about, for that is how I feel about Mateo. When I was pregnant I worked hard to make sure I was eating well, especially as a pescetarian, preparing for the birth mentally and emotionally, learning as much as I could through our childbirth class and natural childbirth books. With his birth I was unafraid (uh, for the majority, there was that hell called TRANSITION when I think even the bravest among us are afraid - except for perhaps my mother, who merely said she knew she was in transition with my sister when she was mad that dad was doing dishes and not supporting her - THAT was your transition, Mom?), even though I was in labor for three days, because I knew he was doing well, and I was ok, and I had learned enough to know that sometimes nature doesn't follow the schedule we'd like it to. I think in a lot of ways his birth prepared me for these years that follow. Working so hard to bring him into the world in the most natural, peaceful way possible, in the comfort and privacy of our home, has given me confidence in my ability to work hard to raise him in the most natural, peaceful and intentional way possible - even if that means listening more to my instincts and doing my own research rather than following well-meaning advice or mainstream magazine articles (I'm looking at you, American Baby). I know I'm new at all this, so hopefully this doesn't come off as preachy. I'm just saying that this is what works for US - every baby and family is different. I simply want to look back and read this and remember that at 2 months in we were happy and confident.
In other news, Mateo has begun squealing whenever he's happy/excited/worked up. I'm sure at some point this will be irritating but right now it's adorable.
A look back at the past week:
Monday, 11/14/11:
 |
| "It's midnight! Feed me!" |
Tuesday, 11/15/11:
 |
| Checkout Mateo's nifty headphones...hearing test done, 100% in both ears! |
 |
| "I have been crying for half an hour and am exhausted. Guess I'll just stare into space for awhile." |
Wednesday, 11/16/11:
 |
| "Once again Mom neglected to take a photo of me during the day so all you get is this bedtime photo. Enjoy." |
Thursday, 11/17/11:
 |
| Hello, beautful |
Saturday, 11/19/11:
 |
| "I am really mad I am in this stupid car seat and I am going to let you know it in just a second, just you wait." |
 |
| Justin and Mateo were there first but Silas clearly wanted in on the bonding action. |
Sunday, 11/20/11:
 |
| I love these eyebrows |
Monday, 11/21/11:
 |
| Sleepy face |
Tuesday, 11/22/11:
 |
| Another, "Oops, it's the end of the day and I haven't taken a picture of Teo" photo |
I have so many pictures on the computer that I should probably delete, but I just can't bring myself to. These pictures would probably look identical to most people but in each one I see the millions of slight variations in expression Mateo makes each day. I love him and his faces.
November 13, 2011
Hope Never Dies
As part of Veteran's Day weekend the Miami Dolphins gave free tickets to today's game against the Redskins to all members of the military and their families! The Redskins hardly ever play the Dolphins and are NEVER shown on TV around here (due to their terrible record and Florida having three NFL teams competing for airtime). Not even today's game was aired on our local stations...so what luck that we could go for free! As much as I was hoping the Skins would win Mateo's first football game, they did not disappoint in being disappointing, as always. Still, we had fun. Mateo was an angel. My biggest challenge, some days, is keeping him stimulated and entertained between feedings and naps. A pro football game is nothing but stimulating and entertaining so my job was easy! Almost too stimulating...I get total ADD and have to remind myself to watch the GAME, not the jumbotron (isn't that what it's called?), crazy fans, mascot, shiny things, etc., etc. It's like they almost don't want you to pay attention to how badly the game is being played. *Sigh.* At least the Miami fans were grateful for their win....
Here's Mateo, learning one of life's most fundamental lessons...the Redskins may always disappoint, but, as I told the guy behind us, "they're our team!"
Here's Mateo, learning one of life's most fundamental lessons...the Redskins may always disappoint, but, as I told the guy behind us, "they're our team!"
November 12, 2011
Attached
Yikes, weepy alert: Dear Moms
Sometimes I feel like I've spent my whole life trying (and usually failing) to keep from collapsing into tears at any hint of an semi-emotional situation/event/book/movie/fill in the blank. I'm beginning to realize this battle is just going to get more difficult now that I'm a mother...and it's not going to get any easier as the years go by. Just the thought of all the crying I'm going to do in my life is exhausting. *Sigh.*
Sometimes I feel like I've spent my whole life trying (and usually failing) to keep from collapsing into tears at any hint of an semi-emotional situation/event/book/movie/fill in the blank. I'm beginning to realize this battle is just going to get more difficult now that I'm a mother...and it's not going to get any easier as the years go by. Just the thought of all the crying I'm going to do in my life is exhausting. *Sigh.*
November 11, 2011
A Week of Teo
Saturday, 11/5/11:
 |
| *Update: No, she is not nursing Mateo* |
Sunday, 11/6/11:
Monday, 11/7/11:
(Tuesday we were too sad about Aunt Elizabeth leaving to take any pictures. :( )
Wednesday, 11/9/11:
Thursday, 11/10/11:
Friday, 11/11/11:
In the Moment
One thing I'm realizing is a big challenge and yet so, so important is learning to live in the moment. I realized today that there are moments when Mateo has been fussing for a while and the sink is full of dishes and we're running out of clean burp cloths and I'm wondering what in the world I'm going to eat for _____ because I haven't been able to put Mateo down long enough to make anything that I'm thinking more about the tasks I have to do or phone calls I have to make than I am about comforting him or simply being with him in his discomfort/sleepiness (longestsentenceever). When he finally is down for a nap and I'm running around trying to complete the checklist I've written in my head while he was fussing, it's not long before a part of me is wishing he were awake and happy so we can smile and babytalk and gaze into each other's eyes. I've read that this book addresses this very delimma (among other things), the challenge to live in the moment and enjoy each simple task for all that it's worth, and not be running ahead in our minds....must read it very soon.
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