This essay was posted on our LLL Facebook group and I'm pretty much in love with it - it speaks to my feelings and philosophy on nursing and cosleeping. I know I'm new to all this so I don't pretend to speak with any real authority or much experience, we're just taking it one day at a time over here - but these practices and ideas speak to the natural mother in me so clearly. I think it was in our Bradley Birthing Method class that I was told to follow my instincts and not get caught up in people's advice or what our culture dictates is normal and expected of babies and parents, and ever since I've been reminding myself of that: listen to your instincts. I know cosleeping doesn't work for everyone but I honestly don't know how I'd get any decent sleep without it. We're also smart about it - on a futon mattress (i.e. very firm), Mateo between me and wall, not Justin and I. And from day one I felt something switch in me - some animal instinct that knows where Mateo is, how he's sleeping, how I'm sleeping in relation to him. It's amazing, like my body was designed to protect him for this period of our lives. And I know that not everyone is able to stop and nurse every hour, but it's what makes us happy and I'm very fortunate that I'm able to be home with him- it's definitely worth any financial sacrifice. Sure, it drags out our outings sometimes, having to stop and nurse him in a store or before we go in somewhere - but that's life with an infant in general, isn't it? When you eliminate the worry or concern over following some sort of "schedule," be it a nursing schedule or growth chart (although I AM a believer in nighttime being for sleeping - midnight play parties are not my thing) and stop thinking about what people are going to think about you nursing on a bench in the shoe department at Walmart....and instead just allow your baby to grow and do what comes natural to you, it's AMAZING how much stress you can eliminate from your life.
A LLL leader at a recent meeting said that nothing in her life, not her career, not college, gave her as much self-confidence and courage as having children and standing firm in the decisions she made on their behalf. I immediately knew what she was talking about, for that is how I feel about Mateo. When I was pregnant I worked hard to make sure I was eating well, especially as a pescetarian, preparing for the birth mentally and emotionally, learning as much as I could through our childbirth class and natural childbirth books. With his birth I was unafraid (uh, for the majority, there was that hell called TRANSITION when I think even the bravest among us are afraid - except for perhaps my mother, who merely said she knew she was in transition with my sister when she was mad that dad was doing dishes and not supporting her - THAT was your transition, Mom?), even though I was in labor for three days, because I knew he was doing well, and I was ok, and I had learned enough to know that sometimes nature doesn't follow the schedule we'd like it to. I think in a lot of ways his birth prepared me for these years that follow. Working so hard to bring him into the world in the most natural, peaceful way possible, in the comfort and privacy of our home, has given me confidence in my ability to work hard to raise him in the most natural, peaceful and intentional way possible - even if that means listening more to my instincts and doing my own research rather than following well-meaning advice or mainstream magazine articles (I'm looking at you, American Baby). I know I'm new at all this, so hopefully this doesn't come off as preachy. I'm just saying that this is what works for US - every baby and family is different. I simply want to look back and read this and remember that at 2 months in we were happy and confident.
In other news, Mateo has begun squealing whenever he's happy/excited/worked up. I'm sure at some point this will be irritating but right now it's adorable.
A look back at the past week:
Monday, 11/14/11:
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| "It's midnight! Feed me!" |
Tuesday, 11/15/11:
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| Checkout Mateo's nifty headphones...hearing test done, 100% in both ears! |
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| "I have been crying for half an hour and am exhausted. Guess I'll just stare into space for awhile." |
Wednesday, 11/16/11:
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| "Once again Mom neglected to take a photo of me during the day so all you get is this bedtime photo. Enjoy." |
Thursday, 11/17/11:
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| Hello, beautful |
Saturday, 11/19/11:
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| "I am really mad I am in this stupid car seat and I am going to let you know it in just a second, just you wait." |
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| Justin and Mateo were there first but Silas clearly wanted in on the bonding action. |
Sunday, 11/20/11:
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| I love these eyebrows |
Monday, 11/21/11:
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| Sleepy face |
Tuesday, 11/22/11:
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| Another, "Oops, it's the end of the day and I haven't taken a picture of Teo" photo |
I have so many pictures on the computer that I should probably delete, but I just can't bring myself to. These pictures would probably look identical to most people but in each one I see the millions of slight variations in expression Mateo makes each day. I love him and his faces.
