All Better Now

Well, we survived our first sickness. It started with a cold Justin brought home from the station, which Mateo caught and developed into bronchiolitis. He was on an antibiotic and steroid for a week and then a nebulizer machine with albuterol to help him breathe easier (he loved that, let me tell you </sarcasm>). Thankfully, I never got sick, but watching Mateo wheeze and choke back mucus and then vomit up buckets of the stuff was heartbreaking. I wish I had gotten sick and all these awesome immunities in my breast milk I keep hearing about had protected him. I know as his mom I can't protect him from everything, and I realize that breast milk is not some amazing cure-all...but I wish I could have kept him well a little longer. There are some other breastfed babies in town who have also been sick recently, so it's not just us, but I also know that at least one of those babies recently had their first round of vaccines....as did Mateo. This is a controversial subject, I realize, and I did read Dr. Sears' The Vaccine Book so I feel like I am partly informed, but I can't help but feel that his immune system being compromised from the vaccines contributed to his getting sick. We forewent the polio and Hep B vaccines because the risk of catching polio in this country is almost nil and Hep B can wait til he's much older. I would have liked to have spaced out the other vaccines but unfortunately our insurance won't cover visits for vaccines that aren't done at well visits. Now I'm just wondering if even the vaccines we did do were necessary...

I go back and forth over this in my head...if he caught something I could have vaccinated him for, I would be devastated. But watching him get sick and knowing what is being injected into his body "in case" he gets sick is not easy, either (especially when he's essentially strapped to my body 24/7, and not in daycare or around lots of other babies). I've also read too many accounts of children who have seriously become sick, if not died, from the effects of vaccines (I know most of those cases are largely scientifically unproven but I think it's hard to really argue with commonsense...or cause and effect). Not to mention the moral ramifications of what you could potentially spread, or the ethics of putting one's health on the line for "the greater good." In trying to look further into this issue I've started reading Adventures in Babywearing, an awesome blog by a natural mama who is also a Christian (I wish the two went hand-in-hand more often!). I'm also trying to get my hands on a copy of The Greater Good without actually buying it...although I might resort to that. Another moral dilemma!

When I was pregnant I was caught up in being pregnant, eating right, learning all about birth, breastfeeding  and preparing for baby. I thought I was prepared - turns out I was prepared to take care of a newborn, and that's it. I never made the mental leap forward to preparing for everything else - toddlerhood, potty training, schooling, etc. Even more immediate concerns like how and where we would sleep, vaccination, and babywearing were all sort of "last minute" questions we've answered "on the job." But I guess that's how it's done, being a parent - taking it one day at a time, one challenge at a time. No one might choose to have kids, otherwise - too overwhelming.

When I think of how unprepared I am for so many things regarding Mateo I feel a bit guilty...but then I look at his sweet face, see how he smiles whenever he catches sight of me, feel him nuzzle and root in the night, and I know I have nothing to feel guilty for (yet!). We're doing the best we can, and we're being thoughtful about those choices we have to make as they come on the horizon. Most importantly, we're trying to remember to dwell in love...it does cover a multitude of sins, after all, right? And really, it's not a hard thing to remember with a 12 week old.

Oh yeah, we're all better over here. Just in time to head home to VA for the holidays!