30 Things...1

I came across this post recently and loved it . One of the gifts of blogging (really, this is more journal than blog) is that someday my kiddos will have a window into the mind of their mother, even if it is an incomplete, scattered view. I tend to only blog when I'm feeling some emotion deeply, be it love, sadness, or guilt. Perhaps this list of 30 Things will help round out the picture of who I am, as both mother and individual. http://www.babymakingmachine.com/2013/05/30-things-my-kids-should-know-about-me-revamped.html

First things first.

1. List 20 random facts about yourself:

1. I wear a size 11 shoe. While pregnant I feared my feet expanding (as some women experience) more than the pain of  childbirth.

2. As a child I received a new Christmas ornament every year that would be mine that to take with me some day. I ended up with a lot of angels, but I was very insistent that my angels all be brunette. I felt very discriminated against because the majority of angels are depicted with blonde hair. Dramatic, much?

3. In elementary "school" (I was homeschooled) my best friend and I transcribed from film to play the entirety of "Mary Poppins." Along with some other homeschool friends we put on the play for our families. I was Mary Poppins...I don't think I've sung a solo since. I hope not.

4. In middle school I was obsessed with Star Wars. I think it started as a way to relate to my male peers but ultimately became a way to continue the rich fantasy life I'd had as a child into my teen years.

5. I smoked in college. To my knowledge my parents never knew, but now that I'm older I realize how difficult that was to conceal. I wouldn't be surprised if they knew and were just giving me space to make my own mistakes.

6. When I was little I first wanted to be a nurse, then an actress. In high school I wanted to be an archaeologist. In college I thought I'd try English. Later I transferred from Salem College to The University of Mary Washington to major in archaeology. Once there I switched to pre-law, then English. I managed to get a BA in English and thought I'd go to grad school for library science, or to get my teaching certificate. Instead, I had babies, and now I dream of being a doula/nutritionist. Time will tell.

7. I waited tables and tended bar for 6 years. I'm not sure which experience was more valuable, serving or college.

8. I saw Bob Dylan in concert in Boone, NC. He was both terrible and wonderful, one of the best nights of my life.

9. I've been sky diving - April 20th, 2007 (I think?). That date is significant.
10. I have felt the hand of God. The first time was in the backseat of our minivan, 13 years old, moving from Spotsylvania to Charlotte County, VA. I was crying and feeling utterly alone, listening to Christian rock music, begging God to take away my hurt. I felt his hand on my back and complete peace washed over me. A deep assurance that I was not alone filled my entire body. I can still feel that hand, 17 years later. It happened again the summer of 2008, when I was in Europe, running away from the life I'd led all throughout college, the man I'd been with, the purposeless that was consuming me. God's timing is perfect, though I see now that it often takes living in places of deep grief for him to reach me...or for me to turn to him.
11. I've been to the Running of the Bulls. There was sangria, cheap wine, muddy streets, and lots of young boys. Those poor creatures.
12. I can't hula hoop to save my life.
13. I love nearly all fruits and veggies but I can't hang with cantaloupe.
14. I've always been very flexible. I used to be able to bend my pinky back to touch my wrist. I probably still could but now I'm afraid of contributing to arthritis.
15. I love doing laundry, especially folding. I find it very soothing.
16. I've always loved organization and order. I used to line my crayons up by color, go through shelves at the library making sure the Dewey Decimal System hadn't been messed up, and sort disordered store displays back as they should be.
17. I spend a lot of time (too much, I'm sure) analyzing decisions I've made and options for the future - I'm scared of waking up 80 years old with a life full of regrets.
18. I wish we could abandon all our "stuff" and move to another country, health insurance and savings plan be damned.
19. I cuss in my head, and when I fight with Justin, and I don't like it. But I also hear it alleviates stress, so...
20. I cry all the time, and if I seem cold and unemotional in public it's probably because I'm holding back a wall of tears I'm determined not to spill around strangers.